hi im fatin, im turning 19 this coming july
i've got no self confidence and i've got fucking low self esteem
not that you should know
i just have no fucking idea what to put in this blog of mine

i'll be working tonight as usual
starting at 4 if im not mistaken
waiting for time to pass by quickly so i dont have to stay at home
the only place that's keeping me sane is work
im getting my pay in two weeks time and im going to make sure its going to spent all on myself, only me
i'll be saving half of it for kecik's and a friend's birthday
in mind i already have an idea of what birthday cake im going to get for kecik
let's just keep it a secret, hush-hush now

and as for me
im going to get new dresses, tops, shoes, maybe 2 pairs of jeans
and im going to pamper myself in everway possible
fats going to be selfish this time round and will be putting herself first in line instead of others
she'll be getting herself 10 packs of viceroy menthols and smoke them all at one go
anyone who would like to join me, come on now, dont be shy

i've been thinking and i've made up my mind
since there's nothing legal between you and me
from now on, im going to make myself happy
im no longer going to think of what you're doing or how you're doing
saying i love you and i miss you everyday, its not necessary cause we might both not even mean it
but i know you do love me and i feel the same way too

now its been 2 years, we've grown closer
but at the same time, im breaking apart
im internally dying and nobody knows
i cant help myself by feeling the way i do
i cant pretend like i dont
im not asking you to understand
let me grow up, allow me to take my time
but if its time wasting for you, maybe its ok for you to leave
we've both been hurt and the blame keeps falling on me

i feel like i cant do this anymore
and yes, i myself will make me happy
i'll put myself first before others
and im going to stop trying to make people feel better, cause its time i take care of my own self