im tired, tired of the same thing happening over and over again
and usually it ends with it being my fault
yes, i wont deny it, it is
2 years you say the same mistake repeats itself, i agree
dont deny that either
i am trying very hard, but sometimes it feels impossible

she's been independent most of her life
it has been only her and always here back then
she had never needed a shoulder to cry on

while everyone was busy hooking up or breaking up during way back then
she was all by myself, couldnt give a care in the world to whether some guy would like her or vice versa
she has never pictured myself with some guy back then
simply because, as you all can see
she's not like those pretty clean beautiful looking girls which guys would like to date
simple word to use
she's ugly
back then she somehow created this tough exterior whereby nobody could break her
didnt allow herself to feel vulnerable to others and to herself

and when she did like that someone
she guess he pretended to like her and after one month of making her feel like a fool,
thinking she had maybe fallen head over heels for that someone
he dumps her on her birthday
how freaking romantic was that?
and as everyone back then knew
fats a tough girl, ask them have they ever seen her cry, never
has she ever went to you pouring all her feelings out, never

and ever since that wonderful experience, the low esteems kicks in
had it since like forever
she has never felt like she's beautiful enough, slim enough or smart enough
just have that thought where she felt ugly all her life

and when that special someone came along, somehow it just felt too good to be true for someone to really like her for the way she is
she did have doubts about him, thinking maybe it was all a game

but somehow, after awhile it did feel like abit of a fairytale coming true

but yes, there are times when she feels that maybe he does regret being with an ugly person like her
feeling regret with someone who doesnt know how to express herself when she should
not that she doesnt want to, she does, but just doesnt know how
simply because she has never had to until now

its not that she doesnt want to show that she cares
she does, but she just cant seem to find the right thing to say
at times, she doesnt even know what to say, and she doesnt know what to do
cause she never had to until now

she wants to let you know how she feels
but doesnt know how to put in in words
she's trying extremely hard, but fails at every attempt she makes
she wants to tell you how much she loves you and how much she cares,
but it always ends up with a "love you, i miss you"
the same pathetic line she uses every single time

and everytime she gets the most heartfelt msgs sent to her
she tries and racks her brain to tell that special someone how she appreciates him exactly the way he does
and yet again, all she can come up with is " i love you too" and some other shit she cant remember

and at times, even with this special person, she doesnt feel beautiful
maybe because of some things said in the past and even when she tries to forget
its hard and it keeps coming back
she doesnt want to remember all those, but it does have a tendency to come back
it sucks big time when she knows there's someone there for her,

but at the same time she doesnt want to get hurt
she's in too deep and would be crushed to know if all of those 2 years were to just fall down on her if she doesnt change
in reality it would fucking hurt if it just ends
and she doesnt want it too

all she wants him to know, she does loves every bit of him to pieces
she tries to show it, but just cant seem to shake off that hard, tough exterior she had built years ago
and she would really like for that special person to know
she's trying, but sometimes the the effort put in, its just not enough
and she's sorry, very sorry
she'll change, she wants to, but it seems too long
she loves you, she really does