and so now updating my blog again
didnt do much today
woke up quite late
due to the medicine i took
had pizza in the morning
went to karu's curry in the evening
and blah,blah,blah,blah
,br>

dude asked me
"DO YOU LOVE ME BIE?"
and of cause i said yes
then he asked me again
"WHY DO YOU LOVE ME BIE?"
guess what my answer was...
"oh b,because you're kind,nice,caring,understanding,blah,blah,blah"
HELL NO,that wasnt my answer
in fact i couldnt think of one
all i told him was because "i just do"



it does make you wonder doesnt it?
when you've been together with someone for 1 year 4 months,
and when the person asks you "WHY" you love him/her and it leaves you cramping your brains out for an answer



as in many of my pathetic entries in this blog
i have always stated that, YES i do LOVE him
its just that im bored with what is happening with my relationship with him right now



just picture this ppl
for this past 1 year and 4 months
everytime,[and when i say everytime it means EVERYTIME]
we meet i always have to meet him at his area,BRADDEL,TOA PAYOH
and when we meet its always for a half hour?an hour,2hours at the most
then i have to go home alone,by train,which takes an hour to reach bp
i dont get to go out with him
never asks me out,yeah some of you will tell me
alah fat he's bz with work and blah,blah,blah
well ok fine



come on ppl ask me how many times have i gone out with him
come on take a guess,no?dont want to?
well i'll let you know, i cant remember exactly but i guess i can safely say less than 15-20 times?
ok lah,give myself face lah,less than 30 times?
ask me again,how many movies have you watched with him fat?dinner perhaps?
NONE
pathetic huh,when u've got 365 days in a year



you know sometimes when i hear friends telling me how their dates went
going out to movies,going to dinner
and hell yes i do envy them quite alot
sometimes they also say when they plan things and last minute they bfs' has got somethings else to rush to,
then they get quite frustrated,i can understand that
but atleast your bfs' do make an effort right?
atleast there were "plans made" to go out



does mine do that?not that often ppl
like i said in para 5,everytime we meet,its always to his convenience



want to know something?at times it irritates me a hell lot when,
some say oh my bf is this,my bf is that,my bf dont care about me,dont do this,dont do that
im not the person who say things out loud
but sometimes this stupid little mouth of mine just wants to go out bursting saying
"you think your realtionship is hard up?well go try mine dudes,try doing the same thing over and over again,how'll that feel"
fats a nice person,she doesnt go shooting her mouth whenever she feels or wants too



there's this one thing that i have never ever said out to anyone
but at times after meeting dude and all,when going back
i feel like a fuckin prostitute
you know how when you go meet a customer,satisfy them,then all's done
that's how i feel like most of the time
at times i feel just damn hell dirty you know
not that any of you would know how that feels,not expecting you to anyways
only gods know how i feel,what i think,what fats really all about



dude has never once made me feel beautiful
mayb i think he doesnt,but who knows
let me just ask you girls you girls out there



how would you feel when your bfs' supposedly tries to tell you that you're his one and only
and he goes saying this
"YOU KNOW BIE,I CAN GO FIND MANY OTHER BEAUTIFUL,GORGEOUS LOOKING GIRLS OUT THERE WITH BIG BOOBS,JACKED UP ASSES, but i dont do that cause i love you and you always,blah,blah,blah"
yeah you might say,ok what..no problem with that



wait up babes,let me continue
a few times i argued with him and guess what he tells me
"BIE, THERE'S STILL 1000 GIRLS FOR ME TO CHOOSE FROM AND ARE CHASING AFTER ME"
"BIE,FINE SINCE YOU CAN GO OUT ON YOUR OWN,I'LL GIVE YOU 3 MONTHS,GO SEE IF YOU'RE THAT BEAUTIFUL AND SEE IF OTHER GUYS WOULD WANT YOU"
and yeah again you might say fat he might be saying all that cause he's mad, blah,blah,blah
[there's more,but hell,cant possibly put them all here right?]
well mayb you're right,but i just dont feel it that way



i was never made to feel beautiful by you dude
never
sucks huh?hell it does
makes me feel really,really low at times when dude says that
even after it pass,i'll still feel low about myself
always have and i guess will always feel that way



this entry wasnt about getting
"OH FAT YOU POOR THING"
or getting a "PITY AWARD" from anyone
just letting it all out finally



and think again babes/dudes
you think your's hard up?
TRY MINE



and to dude:
i really love you and never once regretted being wih you
sometimes frustrated,pissed but nevertheless dude i still love you



well goodnight ppl
sweet drems